I walked today at lunchtime along my usual route. My stroll took me past the place where my awakening occurred eleven days ago. What is remarkable since that day is that I now walk through the world completely without fear.
This would have been an impossibility before. There was always something to fear: an awkward look from a stranger, a noisy bunch of youths jostling each other as they walk towards me, have I forgotten some important task at work? Fear went with me everywhere I went and while I tried to remain mindful of it, nevertheless it was still there.
Not now. Now there is perfect peace, perfect equanimity. I can reflect that I have been given perhaps the most precious gift one can receive. Interestingly, I did notice today that the triggers for fear are still there the same as ever. As I crossed one road I spotted a jogger heading towards me on the side I was crossing to. Ahead a bus stop narrowed the pavement and in order not to inconvenience her I tried to get past this to the wider pavement before she reached me.
This expectation started a reaction. Before I could get past the bus stop the jogger was level with me. There was a response from my body which formerly would have resulted in a small yet significant amount of adrenaline and a corresponding jolt of fear. But… there was nothing. The response could not connect, it had nothing to connect to. The sensation was like pulling the trigger on an unloaded gun – a click but no bang. I walked on unperturbed as I walk on at all times.
Perfect peace, perfect equanimity and desirelessness. I no longer feel my attention drawn out onto external objects or pressed in upon by the outside world. Now all is even because all is one. At-one-ment.